Jesuit to be

when i was in CJC (yes, i was a CJCian!!!), my GP and Literature tutor was one Dr. Adrian Augustine Dominic Danker (haha, someday he's going to ask me to remove all these names!). i hated him initially. i thought that he was not only exceptionally strict but was irritatingly mindful of his PhD. in one of our first few lessons with him, a classmate called him Mr Danker and he said, "i worked really hard for my PhD so i expect to be recognised for it. please call me Dr Danker from now on". that made me so mad.

2 years later, when i left CJ, i loved him to death. in those 2 years, i had become one of his 'proteges' and he had become my mentor of sorts. there were people who disliked him (at 18, the entire world was either your best friend or your nemesis). i am proud to say that i was fiercely loyal and was often the defender of his good name.

i made him cry twice. (laughs)
once when i accused him of being biased against a fellow classmate. he told he was really hurt because he treated me as his friend and was that what i really thought about him? i said no sheepishly though i did think that. well, then. but i felt so ashamed for questioning him.
the second time was my last day at CJ. i went to say goodbye to him and he shook my hand and said some things about me being a good student. i shook hands with him and thought, i'm not leaving this school and my favourite tutor on a handshake. so i gave him a hug and when we let go, his eyes were red!
i screamed, "don't cry! you're going to make me cry!" (laughs again)

this man taught me the meaning of Passion. i always thought i knew what passion was as i tended to put my heart out for what i believed in. but i think he taught me that Passion isn't about foolishly and naively offering your heart. nor is it only about emotions. instead, it is often mixed with a good measure of rationale and good sense. he thought me to understand WHY i felt for something rather than to just feel. i had studied Literature and loved the subject for 4 years before CJ. he taught me how to appreciate it with passion and why.

my point is that, i carried this lesson with me even after i left CJ. i realise that there is no use doing anything if you're not passionate about it. naturally, i forgot this lesson for a few years after i graduated but it was only a matter of time before it re-surfaced.

when my friends and i returned to CJ to visit him after our 'A' levels, and happily called out, "Dr Danker!!!" he came over and requested that we call him Adrian from then on. because he was no longer our tutor. i don't know if he remembered that late afternoon's tutorial where he asked us to address him as Dr Danker but his humility touched me as it often did in those 2 years as he gradually removed the formalities and revealed his real nature of being a true friend to us.

Dr Danker was an ex-CJCian too, which probably explains the spirit he had! (grins) and he had attained his Masters and PhD on a scholarship that bonded him to MOE for years. though he loved CJ, he had to leave a year after my batch did and was transferred to MOE HQ (if i'm not wrong) till he completed his bond with them. i thought that he could finally return to his beloved CJ. but he did not.

he went into the Jesuit seminary. last i knew, he was in Manila on mission work. that was before my stupid computer crashed and we lost touch. i look forward to the day he's ordained! i always said that if i do get married one day, i want him to celebrate my wedding.

watch out for him, folks!
God Bless Him!
joyce

Anger & Impatience

God has a funny way of showing His love and care. I found out recently.

The road leading to home is a two-lane estate avenue type of road i.e. cars are parked on both sides, leaving part of each lane passable. Confusing? Never mind, put it down as a mystery...hahaha.

The fact of the matter was, I was driving on the dividing line because there were cars parked on the side of the road. There it was, this car from the opposite deliberately also drove close to the dividing line to prevent me from proceeding further. The driver of that car need not have to drive close to the
dividing line because no car was parked on his side of the road!

I am not proud of my reaction...in fact I was ashamed of my reaction to the situation because I let fly my version of the signing of the cross. Both the verbalised and actions.

I now conclude that the driver of that car was satan in disguise!

I was still angry when I reached home...that was two minutes longer than the one minute I was allowed to stay angry !

In fact I immediately confronted God to demand why He put me through such a test which, could have easily gone wrong. Who would be responsible then ?

Hello, what you think the answer was?

Of course it has to be me, I and myself !

The bottom-line here is, I have to take sole responsibility for all my actions.

I pray to God to help me manage my anger and impatience.

I thank God for his love, compassion and the opportunity to serve Him through RCIA.

God Bless

Bert

Fellowship

Last Friday, yes it was a Friday, I played a round of golf in JB with two fellow sponsors and one catechuman. I know using the term "sponsors & catechuman" sound very impersonal but I do not know whether my fellow kakis was 'authorised' to play golf on that day or not. So I cannot mention name okay?

Well, golf was pretty ordinary i.e. the usual crap ! But we did spent about four-and-half hours sharing the fairways, or more accurately, the "rough", the putting greens, the sand bunkers and all the other hazards the course have to 'offer'. Should have seen the splashes and panic our balls created when it landed in the ponds...thought I saw a fish wearing what look like a crash helmet !

Anyway, as we need to concentrate, the conversation with my buggy mate was split between "oh sh.." and "good shot/putt". I think my vocab was restricted to "oh sh.." most of the time and I was not being rude to my buggy mate, if you know what I mean.

Golf may be forgetable last Friday, but I cherished the fellowship during the game, over lunch and shopping.

We did shared quite a few thoughts on our faith...so it is not all play hor !

I was such a 'slacked' Catholic that I have to be reminded that it was a Friday when deciding what to eat for lunch. Shame shame...

The day did end in the late afternoon after we split and went back to our own family and home but the fellowship gained will be etched in my mind for a long time to come.

So, Francis, Robert and Alvin, when is the next outing....I mean next fellowshipping?

Ooophs...forgot, not suppose to name you guys !

God Bless.

Silence

It's so silent in cyberspace, especially on this blog...

I'm at a loss of what to say myself.

recently, i was reading 'The Pilgrimage' by Paulo Coelho. he's a Spanish writer who writes beautifully. i wonder though, if the eloquence came from the translation to English or if much of the beauty has been lost in this same translation. references to our faith are plenty though and the best part is how he relates it to our life. Book Review, anybody?

recently, i've met up with an old friend who's a Protestant. he used to cause me so much grief (in the sense that i want to throttle him) by criticising Catholics and failing to open his mind just a little bit to our faith. but he's grown more open over the last few years and just last night, i ventured to ask him, "doesn't it matter to you that the Protestants broke away from the Church that Jesus founded?" he was genuinely surprised to the point where he conceded and asked, "is it? i thought it was the Catholics who broke away?" strange.

recently also, i feel like i've lost touch with our RCIA ministry. i wonder why.

and not so recently, i realised that i'm only a one and a half-year old Catholic! when i came to CatholicNews and they asked me how long i've been baptised, i said, "i can't remember... but probably 2-3 years ago." then only when i was pondering on something about the neophytes and did my simple math did it occur to me that i was only baptised last year! it seemed so long ago... quite a daunting realisation, i'll like to add.
is it because the good times fly fast which is why time has sped up in my mind?
or is it because so much has happened in the last one and a half years that it feels like ages have gone by?

my godma did this for 15 years. where will we be in 15 years?
still moving chairs and setting up rooms?
the music ministry will be croaking, haha...
we'll watch the new, young people and reminisce about our better days in RCIA? ;)

sometimes silence frightens me. but other times, silence rejuvenates me.
i've also come to notice that quiet times require more effort and discipline to maintain and retain. hustle and bustle, on the other hand, is easy to achieve.

so much for not having anything to write. i just wish i had the discipline to organise my thoughts and to verbalize my many thoughts.

joyce

Try Prayer

As I was searching for new posting on the blog, my reflection was staring back at me on the monitor screen.

It is not a particular good looking face but it is nevertheless, my face. The face that God gave me when He created me. Some people might say, a mistake and with regret!

Along the long and sometime turbulent years of my life, I somehow managed to 'abused' my body.

Neglect and excessiveness are the two common and most often repeated form of abuses.

I am a living example of these abuses. Just look at my exposed midriff when I wear hipster jeans on my Saturday night outing. Hahaha...it is suppose to be a joke !

Seriously, God intended to provide enough food for everyone and yet some of us are struggling to have one square meal a day whilst others discard theirs for mere taste or the lack of it.

I'm in this contemplative mood now because a friend and fellow church and ME member is schedule for surgery soon.

Not much else can be said that has not already been said...long-winded chap!

The point is why be so glum and downcast? We should be glad that David will be well after his surgery !

You see, I am now into this exercise called "prayer"...it calms you down and helps you focus on the issues at hand. Try it, it works for me!

Cheers...hic hic have a blessed day.

Bert

You Will Never Walk Alone

Specially dedicated to David... ... We're all behind you......



I said, "The path is steep."
He said, "I'm at your side."
I said, "But I am weak."
He said, "For you I died."

I said, "Dark valleys come."
He said, "I'll guide you through."
I said, "But I'm not brave."
He said, "I'll walk with you."

I said, "Be light to me,
And strength as I go on."
He said, "I'm more. I'm love,
You'll never walk alone."


The Lord is always with us...

Joanne

AMEN

Amen, Amen, Amen.

stay with us, ok?

joyce

Not Alone

The following was my email to David after his Thursday's sharing...

"Hi David,

Thank you for your sharing last evening.

Thank you because you showed us how we must be strong in facing adversity. That we must have the gumption to face it and fight it.

David, one thing for sure, you will not be alone on this journey. The whole community will be fighting along side you all the way."


I was humbled by David's "guts", quoting Joyce. Must say this guy is a tough cookie and am confident he will slug it out all the way.


There is alot more comforting words we could say but for the time being we pray...
that David be spared of any complication during and after surgery and that he will soon be on the road to full recovery. God, we also pray that you give strength and resourses to Diana to look after the family during David's recuperation. Amen.

God Bless

Bert

Bravo

Hi David,

Thanks for sharing more with us here.
I know I found myself admiring your guts on Thursday and subsequently, the weekend when I saw you at mass and BOW.

It must not be an easy time for you and your family but I'm happy to know that you have risen above your fears to be stronger and basically, to step above them.

You ARE in our prayers.

And you WILL be ok. Now you just need to stay strong and keep your spirits up... be the cheerful clown you are and carry on the way you have been.

Again, know that WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU. you can holler in every which direction when you need something and we'll be there.

Got it? See you soon!
Joyce

Thank you all for your support.

Last Thursday, I felt truly blessed by the group’s support, caring messages, love and concern. This gives me the confidence, strength and courage to face my upcoming operation for my prostrate cancer scheduled on 16th September at Tan Tock Seng Hospital.

It is at this very moment that I truly felt God’s love through the RCIA community. It is a privilege and blessing to have all of you to be my true brothers and sisters of Christ.

I wanted to explain my situation further but I was overcome by the emotions within me that I cannot find the words to speak.

Let me explain

In May ‘05 my company organised a free health check for all its employees.
I opted for a comprehensive, but chargeable, health check package over and above the basic one offered by the company. In this comprehensive health check was one on a Cancer marker test which check for the top cancers in Singapore.

The tests results came back in June ’05. There was a concern that the PSA (Prostrate Specific Antigen) value of 5 for my prostrate was abnormal. The norm should be 2 or below for men in my age group. After a course of antibiotics to cure any suspected infection, I took another blood test and again the results came back abnormal. This time it was 4. The specialists recommended a MRI scan and it detected a growth in the prostrate region, I went for a biopsy and the results confirm that I have early stages of prostrate cancer – Stage T1c. At this moment it is curable and treatable if I have it removed. This is a far better choice than to leave it untreated or go for chemotherapy.

Reflecting back, I think it is God's hand in prompting me to take up this test. It is really a wake up call not to take for granted one’s health. All the money in the world does not and cannot buy one’s health.

I was initially very shaken with the news. There was some feelings of denial, anger, fear, and cannot accept the medical facts. But my wife’s tears and fears harden my resolve to be stronger and steadfast, Both of us talked it over amongst ourselves and with the specialists. After that knowing that it is treatable and not life threatening, we were calmer. We prayed and decided to put our trust in God’s hands.

There was a flashback to my RCIA retreat last year in JB where I picked a card that said something like ‘I have plans for you. Pray and I will show you the way’. I know He is with me, caring and looking after me.

With the community’s prayers, love and care, I am now stronger and calmer. I know that GOD will guide the surgeon’s hand during the procedure.

Thank you

David

A Petition to Novena

This is just one of many petitions i came across from Novena's archives. To me, it epitomizes "Conversion": -

Dear Mother,
For many years I have been poor and lonely and sick. I did not ask for many favours from God, but I have been praying that I might not be so poor as to worry about my next day's food; and I have prayed for one or other good friend who might give me some companionship; and I have prayed that sometimes, anyhow, I may have relief from the almost constant pain that I suffer.

None of these requests have been granted over the years. So now I have changed my prayer from petition to thanks. I thank God every day that I am poor, because Jesus said He had not anywhere to lay His head. I thank God that I am lonely and now I think of how lonely our Lord must have been as He hung on the Cross with all those enemies around, sneering and taunting Him. And I thank God that I am sick. I can unite my sufferings with those of Jesus and perhaps through them help someone in good health who does not know God to learn about Him. I am so grateful that I have God and you to console me.

Your loving son

Will we ever learn to carry this kind of faith in our lives? The best that I can do is to tell God that I know there's a reason for whatever is unpleasant happening in my life, and that I know He will give me the strength I need to go on. And I can only thank Him for the trials AFTER they are over and I enjoy the benefit of hindsight. Now I must learn to thank Him even in the midst of my trials... that's a big gulf to cross from where I am.

joyce