Oh, Sweet Wine and Words...

Tonight, i attended a friend's wedding... an estranged friend, i might add... watching the video clips made of her preparing for her wedding, i felt transported back to the times when i saw the same types of clips made of older relatives... things like weddings and funerals seemed only a distant possibility back then. seeing one made of my peer tonight made me feel nostalgic for my more youthful days and also jolted me to the reality that i was growing up. it didn't seem strange that my friend was getting married... but it made me realize that i was not a young girl anymore.

i used to be a very emotional person. when i came to the RCIA 2 years ago, my one prayer/wish/hope was that i learn how to let go of my own will. i am a fighter by nature and if i want something, no matter what the odds are, i will persevere. it doesn't matter if the results aren't as what i had hoped for so long as the fight was fought and that i didn't give up halfway (hence, all the last minute preparations for RCIA!!!!)...

when i came on the RCIA, i had fellow catechumens who had lost their spouse, or enduring the process of losing family members through sickness.... my prayer seemed so simple, just to learn how to let go of what i want and to do what He wants. i learnt through the sessions drilled into me how to accept Christ... (that's KNOWLEDGE, as Father Vaz explained...) and then i EXPERIENCED it through the love and care of the RCIA community... after that, there's no stopping... i have to TESTIFY to that... just as the neophytes are doing this year with us as sponsors....

today, i am a much calmer person than i had ever been. i still cry easily. a mass can move me to tears. a good homily can still do the same. goodbyes always do. a Praise and Worship session can bring me to such high. i still laugh at the silliest and simplest events.

but when i am brought low, at the times when my faith seemed to run dry; when i cannot seem to reach God; when my prayers seemed to just be words without real communication; when things go awry; when i am saddened or even depressed by mundane happenings, i don't feel lost anymore.

as Bert said, so they tell us now, that being a Catholic doesn't erase the sufferings that may come our way. but i think we've all learnt, in our own ways, that our faith DOES indeed, give us the strength to weather our trials. and i thank God for this little faith community we have.

because when i'm lost, i just have to look around me to be inspired to carry on. and when my friend is shaken in faith as well, i know that i have to say the 'right' things to her and even if i'm not filled with conviction by what i say then, it's a powerful reminder of why i believe. alongside with the awareness of just the responsiblity us Catholics have, to stand by our faith.

growing up has never been easy for me because of my emotional nature. a friend used to say to me, at every new year, that she feels as if she had wasted another year doing nothing. and i never failed to be puzzled by that comment. how can a year be wasted? no matter how much wrong you've done in a year, how much damage you've caused, haven't you learnt any lesson from those experiences? and if you have, doesn't that mean you're repentant and from there on, can envision more clearly the path to carry on? so how can a mistake be such a mistake if you learn how to be a better person from it?

i'm not sure... i think guilt is a heavy burden to bear... but then again, Christ came for us. as he did, so shall we for one another... let's help one another carry our crosses, however light or heavy and pull one another through the journey, for ourselves as sponsors and more importantly, for the catechumens and candidates...

Joyce on a Midnight Rampage